My wonderful Mom just turned 92. Am I lucky or what? Great genes and a loving example of living life to the fullest!
Even at nearly 92, Mom calls herself lazy, if she spends an afternoon watching a Hallmark movie instead of “getting something done!” My Dad was the same, when he was in his nineties and right up until he passed twelve years ago. My favorite line of his after he retired was, “Every morning, I get up and have nothing on my To Do List. And by the end of the day, I’ve only got half of it done!”
So, I come by my love for productivity honestly. Both of my parents groomed me to get S#!T done.
What they didn’t tell me but I got from their way of being in the world, is that life is richer, more fulfilling, and more enjoyable, if you have a purpose. And that means putting my attention on helping others rather than having my attention on myself, personal aches and pains and frustrations. That is likely why I became a coach. I love the joy of experiencing the successes of my clients, friends, and colleagues.
Last summer I took an unscheduled pause to set Mom up in her new assisted living apartment after she took a nasty fall. It was a precious gift of time that deepened our relationship and allowed me to refocus and recalibrate my services after the pause.
One year later, Mom has now become an ambassador at her place. She spearheads improvements and calms the masses when they revolt. Several of her neighbors have more challenging health concerns than Mom’s painful arthritic knees, so she collects their meals and takes them to their doors when she goes to collect her own. That may not seem like a lot but it is to the lady who has trouble walking.
Mom has a great social life, is well cared for, plays Euchre (a card game mostly known in the Midwest U.S.) several times a week, and is taken out for fun day trips and outings. And, she has a purpose again. She’s happy and I couldn’t be more thrilled.
If I were to admit to the “shadow” side of this drive for productivity I was raised with, I’d have to admit that I can sometimes be a bit of a workaholic (the exact thing I coach my clients not to be while enhancing their performance!). For that reason, I feel like I should qualify what I mean by productive.
By productive, I mean that you are living your best life, doing all the activities you want to be doing, and making the difference you were put on this planet to make without any angst about what doesn’t get done.
I also mean that you are spending time on taking care of yourself with some exercise, eating well, and spending quality time with the people you love the most.
And, of course, productive also means getting results at a work you (hopefully) love … This is the one area that gets the most attention relative to productivity but it should not be the only one that matters.
It is so easy to lament about the things that don’t get done but what’s the value? Stop beating yourself up for the work that doesn’t get done. I promise, no one is noticing but you. They’re probably too busy worrying about their own incomplete To Do List.
Everyone else is probably using you as the model for how to be successful. (Of course, there are exceptions to this; the people who are trying to steal from you or ride on the coattails of your hard work. They continually ask you to help them out–which you often do because you know that you’re better organized and can run circles around most of them.) This message is not for freeloaders. It’s for the strivers.
People are likely pining away for a life that looks like yours, while you secretly flog yourself for the five or six things that didn’t get finished on your ten-page list. Yes, maybe you could have given some things to someone else to finish but you know it had to be you and only you to get the job done right! You ignore the laundry list of accomplishments that you actually DID complete and focus on the few you didn’t! (Do start thinking about who you could give some of the work to. Let them shine and give yourself breathing room–but that is a subject for another post.)
So, get out paper and pen and jot down where you are already mega productive.
List the people you have supported, whether it was on a work project, edifying someone’s contribution, or lending an ear when someone needed it. Who have you made a difference for?
On a separate page, list all the successes, wins, and celebrations you’ve made happen.
Add to these lists regularly and you will start to transform your feelings of failure or even inadequacy into pride and an authentic sense of accomplishment.
I promise you that you are doing way more than you let yourself experience having accomplished.